Date Night

In my review of She’s Out of My League, I stated my philosophy that humor is intensely personal. The joke and who tells it are co-equal branches of comedy’s government – it’s a delicate balance. I like to think I am pretty open to a wide variety of comedic styles, and am genuinely appreciative of those who put in the work to bring a smile to my face. I have recently debated two dear friends on their appraisal of Steve Carell. One said they found him low brow and the other said he was hit or miss. Both of them are completely wrong but I continue to love them anyway.

Date Night stars Steve Carell and Tina Fey as Phil and Claire Foster, a mundane suburban New Jersey couple in dire need of a shake-up in their routine. At a book club meeting they learn a couple in their circle who’d always appeared happy was headed for divorce, and they see parallels in their own relationship. So on their scheduled date night, they improvise a trip to Manhatten to dine at a swanky upscale restaurant and live life on a slightly more wild side. Wackiness and shenanigans ensue when they get caught up in a case of mistaken identity, police corruption, bribery and political intrigue.

To be perfectly honest, I thought this was one of the funniest movies I have seen in years. The chemistry between Carell and Fey is phenomenal – they work together brilliantly and I find their styles to be perfectly complimentary. They are believable as a couple, they have impeccable line delivery and flawless timing. There is a sight gag involving a taxi and an Audi R8 that is flat out epic. Hilarious cameos from James Franco and Mila Kunis, and Mark Wahlberg as a shirtless sight gag of his own, Carell in a track suit and Fey in a 1800’s western saloon girl outfit pole dancing – this is the romantic comedy the Bounty Hunter only wished it could’ve been.

The only nits I had to pick were with William Fichtner as the corrupt DA and Ray Liotta as the gangster Miletto. Regarding Liotta, I’m sorry, but it’s hard to look intimidating and badass when you’ve got thick black eye liner and a puffy pasty face that looks like the dimpled ass of an obese dwarf. Fichtner doesn’t do weird sexual deviant that well. I’m sure he’ll be relieved to know that. I’m thinking maybe Paul Giamatti or even Thomas Haden Church could’ve pulled it off a bit better.

This is a wonderful date flick. For those who can appreciate Carell’s talents that is. Silly people.

I rate Date Night 9 out of 10

Serenity

The main reason why this movie exists is because hardly anyone watched the tv show it was based on. You see, the show, called Firefly, was the brainchild of Joss Whedon and had the misfortune of getting picked up by Fox. And Fox, well, they have a make us an assload of money now or die in a fire attitude toward programming. They killed the show after only 14 incredibly fantastic episodes which left the diehards screaming for more. Whedon, god bless him, worked his ass off to get $40 million together to do this movie to help tie up the loose ends of the series and to demonstrate exactly how awesome this could be.

So why did the show not get ratings? I blame you, the reader. That’s right, it’s all on you. Firefly was original, clever, funny as hell, had an amazing cast led by the hilarious Nathan Fillion, was beautifully written, genuinely adventurous and entertaining, and it should still be airing now and making me laugh. Apparently however, that’s not enough for some people. They need to sit on the edge of their seats watching a fucking karaoke contest or live action DDR renamed So You Think You Can Dance or some other shit that rots the soul. Bad, bad reader!!

The show, and the movie, takes place 500 years in the future. Earth could no longer sustain its’ population so it sent ships out to the far corners of the galaxy to find suitable planets and moons to terraform. This new group of interstellar colonies was to be run under the central command of the two most powerful countries of earth (USA & China) and called the Alliance. As free people are wont to do, some thought the idea of centralized government was bullshit and rebelled. The soldiers of this ragtag group of independence fighters were called Brown coats. They got their asses kicked and now basically live to piss off the authorities.

One of the most fulfilling ways to annoy authority is to steal and smuggle their shit. That is exactly what the crew of Serenity do best. Captain Malcolm Reynolds (Nathan Fillion) leads a merry band of outlaws who travel the outer rim looking for jobs and stuff to steal – basically, Robin Hood in space. His right hand lady is Zoe (Gina Torres), who fought beside Mal in the war for independence. She is seriously badass and fluent in the language of sarcasm. Zoe is married to ship pilot Wash (Alan Tudyk) who could fly an oil tanker through a mosquito’s puckered sphincter if he was so inclined. He’s not, but he could. The undersexed engineer is Kaylee (Jewel Staite). Jayne (Adam Baldwin) is the thick headed muscle who has a gun for every occasion. Sean Maher plays the ship doctor Simon. He has pulled off the ultimate heist – he stole his batshit crazy sister River back from the Alliance where she was being used for extensive military/medical experimentation.

The story is extremely rich and layered so I won’t get into too much detail here. So here are a few quick pointers to guide you through: River is a psychic and of high military value to the Alliance, they will do anything to get her back. Through all 14 episodes of the tv series, she was basically a free roaming nutbar who acted weird and creeped everyone out. In the movie, she’s been given a subliminal trigger that unleashes her inner Bruce Lee which in addition to her unpredictable and crazy demeanor, makes her utterly terrifying and confounding. Jayne has tried all along to get rid of her, because having her aboard means having extra attention from the authorities, which is bad for smugglers.

Very important to keep in mind – China and the USA are the two dominant powers of the Alliance, so in this future, everyone speaks English and Chinese (I know Chinese isn’t a language, but fuck off and go with it). Usually the Chinese comes out when they want to swear.

Sexual tension time – Mal loves Inara, a gussied up space whore, and she loves him too, but neither seem able to admit it to each other. Kaylee loves Simon and vice versa, and they’ve wanted to hump each other blind basically since they met, but he is clueless about how best to do this. Zoe obviously loves Wash, being married and all, and Jayne basically loves guns, food, money and really cheap whores.

Knowing this, I send you forth to watch and love this film. It wouldn’t kill you to watch the tv series, but even if you don’t, the movie will stand on it’s own. It is hilarious, brilliant, adventurous, has a great pace, excellent dialogue, is a great story, it’s fun, and light and yes, I do love it so much I want to marry it. If you watch it and hate it, I’m sorry, we can’t be friends anymore.

I rate Serenity 9 out of 10

Defendor

Oh my frigging gawd I love this movie. Love it love it love it love it love it. If you don’t love it too, that means that either you’ve never seen it, or you’re worse than Hitler.

Filmed in Hamilton, Defendor stars Woody Harrelson as Arthur Poppington, a mentally challenged man with delusions of being a night time super hero out to take down “Captain Industry” Kat Dennings plays Kat Debrofkowitz, a hooker and crack afficianado who befriends our confused title character and feeds his delusions for the low, low price of $40 a day. Elias Koteas plays crack and blow job enthusiast Chuck Dooney, a man in dire need of a good shave and fighting lessons. Seriously, he gets his ass kicked by Forrest Gump 3 times in the course of this movie. How you going to survive on the streets with skills like that?

By day, Arthur is a beloved, mild mannered road sign holder. He lives in the workshop at the Department of Public Works, reads old pulpy comic books, and works on his mad crime fighting skills. By night, he dons his black turtle neck sweater with the letter D in duct tape across his chest and sets out on a quest to destroy his ultimate villain. The tools of his trade? Two LED flashlights and a webcam hooked up to a portable vhs player, a pouch full of marbles, a jar of angry wasps and a World War 2 era trench club. In times of interrogation, he trots out the lime juice and nutcracker.

The reality of the situation is, Arthur is a hero. Just not the kind he thinks he is. He is a deeply troubled man who bites off way more than he can chew or understand. The more he fails, the more he feels the need to succeed and the delusion grows. He has absolutely no idea what Kat does for a living, and does not comprehend the lengths she will go to for a safe place to sleep and money to feed her addiction. All of the characters in this movie are in pain, have suffered neglect and abuse and feel righteous in their cause.

Woody Harrelson is nothing short of brilliant in this role. He infuses Arthur with humanity, a defined moral code and a sense of purpose that flows from the heart wrenching emotional wounds of his past. Kat Dennings is wonderful as well. As much chaos as her character creates with her lying and manipulation, you can see the goodness Arthur sees and kind of mourn the unrealized potential. For a movie like this to work, you need to empathize with Arthur and want his little whore friend to find redemption.

At various points sweet, funny, dramatic, dark and at all times awesome, Defendor is a must watch, must own, must love movie. If you have kids, it is not family friendly. There is profanity, violence, brief simulated oral copulation and Elias Koteas. At the end of this sentence, please, PLEASE go out and watch this movie.

I rate Defendor 9 out of 10